I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize