Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My penis needs a shock collar
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
