On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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