Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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