she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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