You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
