Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
