I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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