last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
