i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
