We're facebook friends in real life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
