Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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