I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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