On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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