anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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