Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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