I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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