I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
