I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
