I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
