in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
