That's when you crack a 10am beer
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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