Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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