Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
