Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We left the knife in your bed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
