the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
