I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
