Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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