Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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