Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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