my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its liver damage thursday
Shame - the story of my life.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
