God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
