wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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