I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
