He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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