I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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