I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do vagina's smell?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
