They should really pass out barf bags in church
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize