Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
