i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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