Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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