ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize