haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
