We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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