You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
