the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
