how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
