they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
