i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
