I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i've created a new STD.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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