Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
