I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So here I am, sexting at work.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
