Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I AM VODKA MAN
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
