you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
