I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize