the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
