remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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