Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
