So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
