yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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