How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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