and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize