i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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