Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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