My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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