There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
