you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
